No Comments Written by Nick Diakos on December 1, 2008 – 7:28 pm

The Old

Oh my, I was at my cousin’s house a few months ago and I was going through her children’s toys, as you do at age 24, and happened across the game Guess Who. ‘Awesome!’ I thought, but awesome, it was not. To my horror, the familiar faces of my old friends had changed, like some horrible aging Hollywood actress; they had gone though cosmetic surgery, Tara-Reid’s-boobs style.

Who were these rosy-cheeked squish-faced freaks? What have you done with my friends, you horrible bastards, tell me! Tell meeee! Suddenly, everything went black. I was found hours later roaming the streets naked, tears stained my pink flesh, muttering ‘Are they male? Do they wear a hat? Are you Bernard?’ The game was never seen again.

The New

Months passed, I regained my senses and most of my former strengths. I again find myself staring at a children’s toy collection (nothing suss), and I spy Guess Who. My stomach knots and my throat lumps, do I dare look at it? They say who dares wins but not in this case. The game is called Guess Who, and I was indeed left guessing ‘Who the f@ck are you?!’ Not only new faces but new names, new clothes, new hats and my new psychosis. This shit is outrageous. With all the troubles in the world, I always had hope, had faith that we could sort it out. Now I don’t know what to think. Obama, can you save us?

The Who?

As a side not do not type ‘Old Guess Who’ into Google Images, unless of course you like Nanna Porn. God, cheese, damn it. I didn’t need that, Nanna does hardcore? Oh no! Unfortunately I found my mouse inexplicably clicking the link.