3 Comments Written by JesterandTahnee on March 5, 2009 – 4:52 pm

‘Hey shhhh but we suggest you fix your lighting and call it ‘Don’t Tell Fuck Knuckles.’ – Ed with the mo – whilst standing outside Don’t Tell Tom’s with a brain full of whiskey. Sydney Rd in Brunswick is littered with many bars, pubs and cafes; the WMSG team are committed to making sure that you don’t stumble into one that makes you want to puke blood.

Don’t Tell Tom

420 Sydney Road, Brunswick

So we know that the big brick exterior holds an inviting promise yet your instincts tell you that a hellish nightmare awaits you. WMSG goes into the stomach of the beast to see if your gut can handle it. The answer is it can’t.

Drinks: Tap beer (Carlton Draught, Pure Blonde, Bohemian Pilsner), very basic range of wine and spirits, two cocktails.

Bar Staff: Pretty cool, aware that it’s a shit bar but retain their dignity by dishing the dirt on the place.

Ambience: It made us uncomfortable, what was it about this place? We sat around trying to put our finger on it, and then Maxcat placed his whole fist into it: ‘It’s like a youth hostel without the backpackers.’  And the main reason for this was not the uncomfortable mix of ‘eclectic’ furniture it was the fluro lighting and vast empty spaces. It reeks of Bogan like an end of season cricket trip trying its hand at ‘Brunswick living.’ But there is a massive beer garden and a sandpit!

Music: Non-confronting background electronica.

Live music: Friday and Saturday nights Tom supports our local music scene as long as it’s not too experimental. (free).
Sunday, Funk n’ Soul DJ (free).

Crowd: You’ll find a few Fox FM subscribers, a couple of families and one or two people who don’t want to be seen at Zagami’s.

Beer Garden: Heaps of vacant couches, picnic benches, heat lanterns, pool table, dart board, Monty Python-esque murals and the sand-pit.

Brunswick Green

313 Sydney Rd, Brunswick

Drinks: Tap beer (Coopers, Mountain Goat and Blue Tongue), small but satisfying selection of wine, and a huge selection boutique bottled beer and a shelves and shelves of spirits.

Bar Staff: Dave, Paul and Neil are a trio of gents who you’d love to spend an evening in your lounge room with. They’re knowledgeable, friendly and know how to pour a decent beer!

Ambience: Cosy, kitschy and full of memorabilia. If you’ve been wondering where your grandma’s teaspoon collection got to, Dave’s got it behind the bar.  Lots of bits and pieces that bring together fine surroundings with a homely, easygoing vibe.  The lighting is dim enough for softened vision but light enough to see what you’re looking at.

Music: Their iPod plays blues and soul classics at a level that can be enjoyed along with a fruitful conversation.

Live Music: Thursday nights, Brown Lane style Jazz. (Free).  Head to the beer garden on a Sunday afternoon for a jug of Coopers and some easy, quality tunes.

Crowd: An inviting, local crowd of Brunswickians.

Beer Garden: You’ll always find a table and if you don’t there’s always the nice grassy knoll. The fairy lights make every evening feel like a cause for celebration.  There’s also an undercover lounge area with lots of comfy couches and a fireplace for a cosy evening with good friends.

Bar Etiquette

408 Sydney Road, Brunswick

Drinks: Tap beer (Bridge Road, Brewers Pilsner, Brewers Pale Ale and Celtic Red –  there’s no trace of any Carlton United Brews here). Handsome selection of boutique beers and wine from around the globe. Small range of quality spirits and cocktails.

Staff: Helpful chaps. The kind of guys that take time in making sure you pick the right beverage, suited to your whim.

Ambience: The textured wallpaper makes you realise that you’re in a cavalier venue. The soft toys bring on an intoxicated realisation that it’s ok to have fun and etiquette at etiquette is optional. Make sure you head upstairs to the haunted lounge room, complete with moose head and piano. The opium love making room, dimly lit with red will be a hit with all your friends.

Also just in at Etiquette: A new video game machine with 1200 games in its hard drive, fun for all you nostalgic drunks wanting to play your night away with such classics as Mortal Combat and Pac man.

Music: Consistently good. All tracks are obscure enough to steer away from commercial listening but well known enough to sing along to.

Live music: N/A. Etiquette is more of a lounge bar rather than a live venue.

Crowd: Casual, decent folk who enjoy a good ol’ game of Operation or Jenga.

Beer garden: Humble, backyard style seating with a cosy share house kinda feel.

Edinburough Castle

681 Sydney Road, Brunswick East

Drinks: Tap Beer (Mountain Goat, Coopers, 3 Ravens), a good selection of bottled beer, the usual sprits and a pretty decent selection of wine.

Staff: Good bar to go to if you don’t want to be hassled by a bubbly teen princess frothing on about some shit no-one will ever care about. We found them to be pleasant and pretty casual.

Ambiance: A rural cathedral theme complete with Tudor style wall hangings, stained glass windows and some soft candlelight.

Music: Soft folk music at a level that doesn’t interrupt conversation.

Live Music: Wednesday through to Sunday local folk and blues, you only have to fork out if it’s a big band.  Edinborough Castle can always be counted on to deliver fine live music from both established and budding artists.

Crowd: Wide selection of artists, musicians, bums, professional types, family people – young and old, uni students and single men of ye old bar generation.

Beer Garden: Large beer garden with plenty of bench style tables, ping-pong area and TV. On the odd occasion during the summer months you can catch a live band playing up the back of the beer garden.

Mi Corazon

462 Lygon Street, Brunswick East. (It’s not Sydney Rd, but it’s worth crossing the boarder for mi amigo Mexicano.)

Drinks: A good selection of Mexican beers, 57 different types of tequila, cocktail menu and six-pack of Carlton for the unexpected bogan.

Staff: Extremely helpful and well steeped in their knowledge of tequila.  Chrissy and the crew are always up for a chat but you can also be left alone if you so choose.

Ambiance: A warm and vibrant saloon bar with tasteful artwork Chrissy has carted back from Mexico. Toast your shooters to Virgin Mary who stands tall behind the bar.  “We’re not in East Brunswick anymore Jester, we’re in East Warez!”

Music: Upbeat yet chilled tunes that keep your toes tappin’ and your ear hairs erect.

Live Music: Pop down on a Wednesday or Thursday night to experience the authentic sounds of Mexico with Son Tres and the ACMI String Band (respectively) featuring members from the highly renowned ‘Brunswick Blue Shooters’ and ‘Sandilands’.

Crowd: Intimate crowd of Brunswickians during the week, there’s more a sangria fruit punch crowd on the weekends.

Beer Garden: There’s a little courtyard out the back. For all you smokers and fresh air seekers there’s a comfy retreat out the front where you can observe passing traffic and outdoor happenings.