No Comments Written by Tahnee Moore on September 6, 2009 – 11:51 am

Feeling pressured about what to buy for this month’s Hallmark day? To stop you from wandering around the shopping center in a fluorescent daze and picking up pre-boxed gift pack of crap we’ve made a list to ensure you don’t end up making your old man feel like a stale cat turd.

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1. Hankies
Nothing tells your old man his personality is as barren as a nun’s nanny like hankies do. Instead try a pair of flares or a polyester shirt–some real boogie cloth.

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2. Tie
A festive noose wow… how…exciting. Why don’t you try something less painful like a gas pipe attachment for his car or lethal dose of morphene?

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3. TV organiser
Despite what the Myer catalogue says no one ever needs to organise vegging out. Ever.

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4. Indoor golf game
Hi dad you’re a domesticated hamster. If it’s too late and you’ve already chipped in with your siblings try a gun, loaded, for the 13th hole.

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5. Aftershave
Let’s face it this is for you, you want your dad to smell (and act) like David Beckham. Let me put it plainly your dad prefers the smell of truck fumes. If it’s Sunday morning and the chemist is the only place open,  Blue Stratos or Brut is acceptable.

Instead of getting a mundane catalogue suggestion try something along these lines :

1. Tellin’ your old man he’s actually pretty cool. Listen to his tales without yawning.

2. A plate of cholesterol laden food while his favorite tv / radio show is on.

3. A copy of People mag – although this may be a bit weird if it comes from his daughter.

4. Make him a card like the ones you used to, like the ones still tucked away in the linen cupboard.

5. Weed the garden, mow the lawn or wash his car.

Even if your old man’s emotional aptitude is as rusted as a coastal Holden, these are sure to make him smile…even if it is only on the inside.