No Comments Written by Fiona Loughnane on April 18, 2010 – 9:00 am

Pattinson you twerp, I want that 103 minutes of my life back.

I know most people reading this would never actually go and see the movie Remember Me. I still like to think though, that I’ve taken a bullet for the team on this one. Robert Pattinson may have the rest of the oestrogen powered population fooled, but this girl is not only unconvinced, but downright pissed off.

Its lucky for this movie that the kid from ‘Twilight’ is easy on the eyes, because Remember Me doesn’t have much else going for it. Seeing James Bond (Pierce Brosnan) be a total asshole is pretty entertaining, but still only makes up 6 minutes of hilarity, albeit unintentionally.

And then there is Chris Cooper v’s Robert Patterson. The boring battle to end all boring battles… Can’t even go into that it’s so boring, except to mention the part where Pattinson gets his ass handed to him [yes his bum gets given to him]. There was one stand out performance, but since that was by a 12(ish) year old girl, that’s not really saying much. If you feel like you just have to see this, I’d suggest just watching the trailer. It’s absolutely as good as it gets.

There are a few PG “love scenes” which are about as sexy and interesting as Bert Newton in a g-banger. No, wait, that would at least be interesting. Remember Me attempts to be clever by pointing out its own cliche moments. This is not only irritating and ineffective, but reminiscent of Dawson’s crack – in other words, self aware, over-reaching wankery.

This movie is set in 2001. For almost the whole movie this annoyed me, and not just because they had their leading man running around in Ray Bans which did not have their popularity re-injection until at 2003 at the earliest (thanks wiki). I’m not sure why I even noticed or cared about the sunnies. Maybe it was because there was nothing more interesting happening on screen at the time? The ending is a spectacular and shining example of how to piss me off. When the reasoning for this movie being a period piece was unveiled, I was pretty much ready to go at the screen with a machette.

So all in all, I guess Patterson only owes me about 58 minutes,rather than 103: That’s 6 minutes of laughing at James Bond, and the 39 minutes of fun I’ve had writing about how much I hated this piece of tripe.